donpurdum
We live in a fast-paced world full of demands and expectations, which can quickly take its toll on a marriage.
Recently, a wife expressed dismay that her husband was working himself to death. His demanding job required 10 to 14 hours per day, and often on Saturdays — That’s 60 to 70 hours per week, not including travel time.
On Sunday, he works around the house doing required chores, mowing the lawn, or fixing things.
He’s completely exhausted and emotionally and physically unavailable.
Any conversation with him is painful. She noted that when she expresses her concerns he gets extremely upset, yells, and hurls unfair accusations.
So, let’s get down to the challenge for many men.
It’s not that they don’t love their wives.
They do. They are not plotting how to hurt their them.
In many instances, it has more to do with their secret internal struggles than it does anything else.
If not handled well, stress can destroy a person from the inside out. When this happens, communication breaks down, and trust and intimacy become the victims of this cruel disease.
Let’s try to look at this from his perspective. I share this not as an example that fits every person or marriage.
Still, the solution is to find an entrance point to re-engagement with one another.
If the demands of work are weighing on him as he struggles to meet the approval of his boss, that could feel like a threat to his ego, success, and future. If things aren’t going well, what will that mean for how he provides for his family?
Here’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be real. Perception can feel like reality.
Now, he’s working his rear off and is exhausted when he comes home.
Try to put yourself in his shoes for a moment… What he may hear is that his wife blames him for how she feels (and he can’t fix it), complains that he’s distant then shuts him out, then tries to be physical but is pulling away at the same time.
In his mind, he’s failing at work and home — And he doesn’t feel he can share with his wife without more stress coming back his way.
It compounds more stress upon more stress in a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
So, what’s the solution?
Men, you have to open up, drop the barriers, and start transparently sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with her.
She can’t read your mind any more than you can’t read hers.
The way to overcome this challenge in your marriage is to communicate. When you communicate, you establish trust and intimacy — The kind that leads to brainstorming and solving problems together.
If you’re not willing to share with her, then things are going to get a lot worse before they will get better.
She needs you to talk, pray, and be her partner.
She needs you to be the spiritual leader in your home.
So what if your tired and exhausted.
The rewards will far outweigh your tiredness.
There is hope for your marriage!!!
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