It’s the Monday of Thanksgiving week. As I do every morning after my prayers, I like to take a stroll across Facebook just to see what’s going on.

Inevitably, I’ll find some interesting posts. It’s pretty amazing what people will share about their feelings on social media that they likely won’t say to their spouse.

This morning, I came across a post from a Christian wife who said she had been married for over 20 years. She said the relationship had been hard from day 1 and that she isn’t sure she ever truly loved her husband. The wife noted the only reason she stayed with him was for their child and the finances, despite things getting better between them.

She stated, “I just feel like I’ll never have the marriage I want or be truly happy because I’ll always feel like we weren’t meant to be together. I truly think some people aren’t meant to be together. I don’t want to be miserable at 60.”

First, I understand her feelings. Yet, they exist for a reason – And it’s likely not for the reasons you think.

Let me explain…

We all make decisions about how we feel and choose to do things based on one of two motivations:

• Avoiding a loss
• Gaining a benefit

Most people overwhelmingly make decisions on the latter. When we make decisions trying to avoid a loss, it always turns into a problem.

Why?

Because it’s rooted in fear, and fear is the opposite of faith. It leads us down a road of rationalizing all the possible outcomes that will never be. We subjectively justify our choices based on how we feel instead of God’s truth.

Here’s the facts… Jesus said not to allow anyone to take apart what God put together — Meaning a husband and wife.

This is objective truth.

God did not make a mistake. In our selfishness, fear, and sin our feelings can lead us astray and cause us to question things we should know better than to question.

Truth — No one can make you feel anything. How you feel is also a choice.

In Philippians, the Apostle Paul wrote the epistle from a jail cell. This is not like any prison we’ve ever seen. They were constructed of stone blocks or dug out of the ground. They were cold, damp, and dark. There were no lights, beds, blankets, or food. He was lucky to get a piece of bread and a drink of water on any given day. He went to the bathroom on the ground near where he slept.

Imagine the living conditions.

Paul never complained that God did him wrong. He never said he wasn’t happy and decided to go back on his commitment to the Church or seek to flee from those who wronged him.

Instead, he said in Philippians 4:4-8:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

So, what is love?

It’s not a feeling. It’s a commitment.

Marriage is a covenant commitment between a man, a woman, and God.

In this life, your marriage may not ever be all you want it to be. Yet, when you surrender it and your spouse to Christ, it will be all it should be in Christ — Which is so much greater than you can imagine.

Do you live this passage in Philippians?

Do you dwell on these things about your spouse – True, honorable, right, pure, lovely, commendable, excellence, and worthy of praise — or do you dwell on the things you want to see that give you a reason to justify your negative feelings?

The choice is yours.

After all, choice is the only thing you have control over.

Hope is a choice.

Having faith in and trusting God is a choice.

Believing in your marriage is a choice.

This may just be the reason you feel the way you do towards your spouse, or vice versa.

The question is, will you choose the kind of love Christ has for us and for your spouse and live in grace, forgiveness, kindness, joy, mercy, and compassion… Or in destructive thoughts and feelings that are not of God?

If you feel like this is a challenge in your marriage, there is hope and help. There’s a good chance this will help you… Just click here.

Father Don