I hear people say all the time they aren’t “in love” anymore, yet they acknowledge there is still love for their husband or wife.
Hearing this from someone you love can feel like a dagger through the heart. You knew things weren’t great. You don’t like the constant conflict either. Sure, there are things you need to work on.
Still, you didn’t expect to hear that your husband or wife isn’t “in love” with you anymore.
Let’s dive into what this means, but it’s probably not what you think.
So, is it true your spouse isn’t “in love” with you anymore?
It depends on how you define love.
The world says love is a feeling, and as long as you feel “it” you should be happy. If you don’t feel that sense of excitement and warm fuzzy feelings all the time, you deserve it. Many will say that you’re with the wrong person now and it’s time to move on.
Is that how the Bible defines love?
Let’s look at the words the Apostle Paul used in 1 Corinthians 13 to define love.
He says love is:
- Patient
- Kind
- Not jealous
- Doesn’t Brag
- Isn’t arrogant
- Rude or inconsiderate
- Self-seeking
- Unprovoked
- Does not hold grudges
- Does not rejoice with unrighteousness
- Rejoices with truth
- Bears all things
- Hopes all things
- Believes all things
- Undures all things
- Never fails
What’s the point:
Paul is helping us understand that true love is not an emotion. Sure, you can have emotions. You should. But they shouldn’t guide you.
Why?
Because love is a commitment.
Feelings can misguide you. They can be manipulated and twisted. They can empower us to make irrational and bad decisions based on a lie or the stories we tell ourselves.
So, what is a spouse saying when they say they are not “in love” anymore?
They are saying they aren’t committed or that their commitment is waning to:
- God
- Their covenant marriage vow
- Themselves (Read Ephesians 5:29)
- Their families
Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment. When someone says they aren’t “in love” anymore, what they are really saying is they’ve lost the feelings they used to have when they were dating, engaged, or newly married.
The excitement wore off and the challenge of day-to-day living set in.
They based their vow on a feeling instead of their commitment to one another. When things get tough and feelings wane, it’s all too easy to seek an easy way out instead of fighting for your marriage, honoring one another, repenting, and turning back to God as the foundation of your relationship.
I get it. Things don’t always feel so black and white. When someone comes to this point, they may feel enough is enough… Enough of the rudeness, inconsideration, harshness, isolation, loneliness, abandonment, or emotional/physical/ spiritual neglect.
Years of negative experiences led to the moment when someone said enough was enough.
Here’s the truth… If there isn’t love there wouldn’t be any hurt and they wouldn’t care.
In marriage, both partners deserve to be loved, respected, and accepted.
The question is, how do you get back to a place where you both can thrive in your commitment to one another?
There is hope for your marriage!!!
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Blessings to You!
Fr. Don