I hear people say all of the time that they “deserve to be happy.” As Christians, is that true? Were we promised happiness, even in a marriage? Is happiness the aim of our faith?

Now, I realize this is a very sensitive issue for many Christians. Not only is it for the person contemplating divorce but is also for the Lord. 

For many, marriage is a painful experience. Some say over time they just fell out of love. One partner may go astray. Perhaps they are uncaring or harsh. In other instances, there is pure selfishness and neglect. Sometimes, there are egregious sexual sins.

Your marriage does not have to be a victim of isolation, loneliness, betrayal, or disloyalty.

It’s all in your perspective.

Let me explain…

What does God say about divorce?

Before I jump into marriage I need to stress the importance of happiness. The Bible never promised it to us. In fact, for Christians, it is likely the opposite in many cases. Following Jesus of Nazareth isn’t easy or for the faint of heart. Jesus told us before we choose to become His disciples that we should first “count the cost.”

Throughout the New Testament, we are reminded that followers of Christ would participate in His sufferings. 

Let’s put this into perspective. God’s priests and leaders denied Jesus. They schemed against Him to the point of wanting Him dead. Pontius Pilate ordered Jesus’ crucifixion.  Judas stole from Him and betrayed Him. Peter denied Him three times. The disciples scattered in fear and left Jesus alone and isolated.

On the cross, His Father could not look upon the Son as Jesus took on Himself the sins of the past, present, and future. Matthew records that the sky turned as dark as night when this happened. He had never been separated from the Father or the Holy Spirit. He endured loneliness and pain unlike any a human has ever experienced.

So, what does this have to do with marriage?

For the Christian — EVERYTHING!

In Ephesians 5, Paul tells us the principal role of wives and husbands. The marriage relationship, the Apostle says, is the very representation of the relationship between Jesus and His Bride, the Church, of which He endured the cross, descended into Hades, overcame death, and ascended into Heaven, and now sits at the right hand of the Father.

Consider this… How often do Jesus’ followers (i.e., us), dishonor Him? Every day, we do something that, by the world’s standards, would be considered some form of disloyalty or abandonment. By our own standards, we cause our Lord to be unhappy.

Does Christ turn on us?

Does He dismiss us?

Does He divorce us?

No matter what we do, He loves us. He suffers with us. He disciplines us for our own good. He calls us back to Himself.

Does this sound “happy” to you?

It doesn’t to me.

The philosophical question remains — Don’t we deserve to be happy?

What we want from what we deserve are two different things.

Throughout the Bible, God says He hates divorce.

God called Hosea to marry a promiscuous woman named Gomer. He was tormented by her unfaithfulness. Yet, the Lord used them to tell the Israelites that their marriage resembled His people’s relationship to Him. Ultimately, it’s a story of hope that God can be trusted to win back the love of his people despite how bleak things appear.

Marriage is a lifelong covenant. That covenant overrides our happiness. Yet, happiness can only exist when couples are committed to God and His Church.

Jesus reminded us that when we married, we became one flesh.

1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”

It doesn’t say she is bound to her husband so long as he makes her happy.

If we understand that our marriages are a covenant with God, as is His salvation with us, then it ought to change everything!

In the overwhelming majority of divorces, the problem is one of unbridled selfishness by one or both partners. The “happiness” line is nothing more than an excuse to fulfill the desires of the flesh over the Spirit.

I acknowledge abuse and I’m not dealing with the subject in this article. Instead, I’ll refer you to this one.

Our goal should be healing and restoration. Both husband and wife should submit themselves to the Lord, the Church, and accept daily accountability to develop the relationship God calls us to in Ephesians 5 – Wives submit to husbands, Husbands love their wives as Christ loves the Church such that he would give his life up for her, and together submit to God.

The goal should always be restoration first with Christ and then together.

Unfortunately, even among Christians, society has taught us that divorce is acceptable for virtually any reason. Society has normalized divorce. You deserve to be happy.

Tell it to Christ!

I wonder what He would say if He spoke to you about this right now?

If you’re preparing to go through a separation or divorce, I hope you will seek Jesus.

I recently wrote about the challenges of marriage and restoring a broken marriage. It is possible! There is hope!

If you’ve already been through a divorce, I know the pain will be with you in some way for the rest of your life. Still, God’s grace covers a multitude of sins. As I said earlier, we all sin. 

He loves you. 

He’s prepared a place for those who believe in and follow Him.

If Jesus can forgive Judas, Peter, and the disciples, He has forgiven you as well if you confess your sin and turn back to Him.

He loves you more than you can imagine.

Blessing to you,

Father Don